Biblical Answers for Abandonment
Ishmael: The Story and Biblical Model for Abandonment
In many cases, low self-image is the direct result of feeling abandoned. Almost without exception, someone given up for adoption or physically or emotionally abandoned by their parents, develops low self-image. They ask themselves the question, “What was wrong with me that my parents did not want me?” Emotional abandonment or feeling unloved is also a root of rebellion among teenagers. Consequently, abandonment, which affects the self-image, can pervade the entire person and become a complex problem.
We find our model for feelings of abandonment in the story of Ishmael beginning in Genesis Chapter 16:9 And the angel of the LORD said unto her, Return to thy mistress, and submit thyself under her hands. 10 And the angel of the LORD said unto her, I will multiply thy seed exceedingly, that it shall not be numbered for multitude.
1. Abandonment Is Not Always the Fault of the Abandoned
Abandonment is almost never due solely to the fault of the person who was abandoned. Many times, parental or other conflicts can lead to abandonment. Sarai gave Hagar to Abram so that she could have children through her, but when Hagar conceived, Sarai became angry and despised her. Sarai mistreated Hagar, causing her to flee.
Scripture: Genesis 16:1–6
2. God Cares About the Abandoned
God cares about the person who has been abandoned and wants the relationship to work. When Hagar fled into the wilderness, God found her and instructed her to return and submit to Sarai. Her experience shows that fleeing or abandoning a situation can sometimes be a defense mechanism.
Scripture: Genesis 16:7–8
3. God Hears the Affliction of the Abandoned
God told Hagar to name her child Ishmael, meaning “the Lord has heard your affliction.” God hears the suffering of those who have been abandoned and promises to care for them. Psalm 27:10 reinforces this truth: even when a father and mother forsake someone, the Lord receives them.
Scripture: Genesis 16:11; Psalm 27:10
4. Abandonment by a Father Can Lead to Rebellion
Abandonment by a father can result in a struggle with authority. An abandoned child may believe that the parent does not have their best interests at heart, or may conclude that something is wrong with them. These perceptions can make the person resistant to authority and discipline.
Scripture: Genesis 16:12
5. God Sees the Abandoned
The abandoned person needs to realize that God sees them and will look out for them. Beer-lahai-roi means “well of the Living One seeing me.” Hagar’s experience reminds us that abandonment does not mean being unseen by God.
Scripture: Genesis 16:13–14
6. The Abandoned Person Has Great Potential
The abandoned person can have great potential in God, even while struggling with the emotional consequences of abandonment. Ishmael became the father of a great nation, demonstrating that rejection and abandonment did not eliminate his potential.
Scripture: Genesis 16:15; Genesis 17:20
7. The Abandoned Person Must Choose God Over the Flesh
The abandoned person needs to make a covenant to serve God rather than allowing the wounds of abandonment to control their life. The source connects circumcision with the symbolic cutting away of the flesh.
Scripture: Genesis 17:25
8. Abandonment Can Lead to Contempt and Further Abandonment
Abandonment can lead to contempt, and contempt can contribute to further abandonment. Ishmael likely recognized Isaac as the favored child and responded from a place of anger and frustration, eventually contributing to further rejection.
Scripture: Genesis 21:9–10
9. The Loss of a Father’s Presence Has Lasting Impact
Even when a father genuinely cares, time together is essential. Abraham did not want to abandon Ishmael, and the separation was grievous to him, but Sarah insisted that Hagar and Ishmael be sent away.
Scripture: Genesis 21:11–12
10. Rejection Does Not Remove a Person’s Potential
People who have experienced rejection can still have the potential to live full and productive lives. Ishmael’s story demonstrates that rejection did not prevent God from having a purpose for him.
Scripture: Genesis 21:13
11. Children Need More Than Their Physical Needs Met
A child needs more than food, shelter, and other basic necessities to become a mature adult. The source emphasizes the importance of emotional support and a male role model. Hagar continued caring for Ishmael, but the absence of his father represented a significant loss.
Scripture: Genesis 21:14
12. A Mother Cannot Fully Replace the Loss of a Father
The source teaches that there are limitations to what a mother can do to compensate for the loss of a man in a child’s life, although mentoring can provide some assistance. Hagar eventually moved away from Ishmael because she could not bear to watch him die.
Scripture: Genesis 21:15–16
13. God Will Not Abandon Those Who Have Been Abandoned
God will not abandon those who have experienced abandonment. He hears their voices when they call to Him. The source encourages mothers not to give up on their children but to lead them toward the Father who promises never to leave or forsake them.
Scripture: Genesis 21:17
14. God Has a Plan for the Abandoned
God has a plan to make the abandoned person great if they turn toward Him. Hagar was instructed to lift up Ishmael and hold him in her hand, providing encouragement and emotional support.
Scripture: Genesis 21:18
15. God Can Open Our Eyes to What We Need
God opened Hagar’s eyes so that she could see the well of water that was already there. She was then able to provide Ishmael with what he needed to live. The source connects the water with life and the Word of God.
Scripture: Genesis 21:19–20
16. The Abandoned Person Can Find Calling and Purpose
We must help the abandoned person discover their calling and find a place in life where they can thrive and experience fulfillment. Even while they may still struggle emotionally, healing can take place as God leads them through their emotional wilderness.
Source teaching
17. Healing Does Not Remove Every Struggle
Even when an abandoned person relies on God, they may still experience the normal struggles of life. These experiences can become part of the process through which faith is developed. The source uses Paran, described as a place of caverns, to illustrate a safe but dark dwelling place.
Scripture: Genesis 21:21
18. Be Careful Not to Reproduce the Cycle of Abandonment
The abandoned person needs to be cautious about whom they marry so that abandonment issues are not repeated within the family. The source connects Ishmael’s marriage to an Egyptian woman with the concern that unresolved patterns could be carried into another generation.
Source teaching
19. Having God as Father Does Not Erase Every Emotional Wound Immediately
Even though the abandoned person may now recognize God as Father, they can still have to deal with feelings connected to abandonment by their natural father. Ishmael later joined Isaac in burying Abraham, suggesting a continued connection despite the earlier separation.
Scripture: Genesis 25:9
20. Healing From Abandonment Takes Time
The positive outcome of emotional pain caused by abandonment can take time. The source describes healing as a gradual process in which a person moves through darkness and struggle toward accepting their identity as an original, loved person who will not ultimately be abandoned by God.
Scripture: Genesis 25:13–15
21. The Abandoned Person Can Experience a Full Life
The abandoned person can enjoy a full and meaningful life when they successfully work through the issues surrounding abandonment and make God their true Father. The source presents Ishmael’s long life as part of this picture of restoration and fulfillment.
Scripture: Genesis 25:17–18
Steps for Overcoming Feelings of Abandonment
- Physical or emotional abandonment most often results in low self-image, because we ask what was wrong with us, that the other persons, especially our parents, did not want a relationship with us.
- If we have been abandoned by our fathers, we will usually rebel against the authority figures in our lives because we feel that we cannot trust anyone except ourselves.
- Once we have experienced abandonment, we may expect that others might also abandon us since we feel unworthy of their love.
- Because the emotional pain of feeling worthless is so great, we will many times abandon or show contempt for others that we are afraid will abandon us. This results in additional experiences of abandonment.
- Establishing a close, intimate relationship with God is the answer for overcoming abandonment, because He alone can be trusted completely to look out for us and never leave or forsake us. We must make a covenant with Him.
- If possible, we must work through our issues of low self-image and our feelings of abandonment with those who have abandoned us in order to be completely free from this fear.
- If we will do this, we can be set free from this trap and go on to experience a long and full life.
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